you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you had me at cake vodka
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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