what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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