the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
