My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
