Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
