how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
