what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
