Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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