i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
