Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
