So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I party with great urgency now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
