i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize