Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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