i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
