I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
