Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize