His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
