i may or may not be watching the land before time
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
