'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
