if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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