I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
