I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
