did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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