Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
