So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
