you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
