i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
