toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize