and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
