clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
