Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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