How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
