Apparently you make a good broom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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