why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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