Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
