First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
