I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
