there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize