6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
