did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I will die if light touches me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
