he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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