There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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