Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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