its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
