if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
