and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
nutella sex= disaster
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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