summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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