The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
