my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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