Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
