Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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