Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
