i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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