had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
