yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
