I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize