Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
