Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
