Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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