I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
