please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
