We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
