no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
