okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
