sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Say something about gay babies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
