just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
