I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
