if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize