we have pet lesbian snakes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
