I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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