i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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