You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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