I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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