I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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