I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
barbara walters just said penis...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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