and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
