So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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