I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
