I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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