i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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