He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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