The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
