Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i now understand why vodka
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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