I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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