Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
