Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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