Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
