So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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