my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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