She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
