I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
