some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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