She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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