i think my mom watched the whole time
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think your dad took our porno
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize