I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
did you just send me my own nude
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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