I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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