My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
