Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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