# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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