If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize