Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
