the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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