Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
