I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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