dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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