Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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