So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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