So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
