If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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