So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
