I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
